Monday, October 26, 2009

Really I don't expect much...

I hate feeling used. I am guilty of trying to please everyone no matter the cost to me. I understand that giving is better than receiving but not when giving until being used up. Sometimes the reciprocation would be appreciated but I refuse to get excited or expect one thing as I am certain that disappointment is right around the corner.

I would assume that many of the actions stem from growing up with a distinct fear of abandonment and that pleasing my parents or whomever is around me will keep them close by and happy. I unknowingly, until I take a step back to reevaluate, realize that the vicious cycle repeats. The inevitable need to satisfy really is weighing on me especially emotionally for what reason I am not sure other than the continuous giving and feeling taken for granted.

Thinking about not allowing these actions to repeat, I feel as though I cannot prevent them. I am forever conscious of what others want and I do my best to make their dreams become realities without the same happening to me.

Frustration fills me. Really I do not expect much.

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