Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Time to be Truly Thankful

As I have mentioned before, I get a lot of messages, cards, emails and phone calls to say that I inspire other people. Well I just do what I do, not to impress anyone, but to complete the goals that I have on the blasted goals list I make for myself. I am touched tremendously when I get those messages and most of the time I bat back tears or grit my teeth so as not to become a heap of sobs on the floor. I am thankful that though I see things that I do just as mere tasks at hand, that someone benefits from my actions. Most importantly the individuals let me know that I helped them and that is an incredible, indescribable feeling and completely unexpected.

Of the many things in my life that I am most thankful, one stands out and that is the outpouring of love and support that I have received from family and friends. My friends have become part of my family or I guess I could better say that they have welcomed me into their families. I am fortunate to have the strong support team in place that back me every step of the way. One of my most favorite memories is the Monday after the Governor's Cup, Mr. Bill who lives up the street from HALO, walked in and sat down in a chair and told me to tell him all about it. He really was interested in listening and hung on every word I said. Another one is of a group of my clients who came in beginning the Wednesday before the Governor's Cup dropping off cards of encouragement and gifts of power gels. Temple even dropped something off by our house for me the night before the half. When I was running the half, I was getting phone calls, there were ten or more on my phone when I finished. They were checking on me and telling me they were proud of me. Many of them are seasoned runners, others because they are so inspired signed up to their own marathons. I have warned them that they are going to hate me when they finish that marathon.

I am so thankful that Nik and my kids support me in whatever I decide to do. I get notes of encouragement and congratulations from them as well. Nik gives up so many of his Saturday mornings to transport me and sometimes Lori too, to our appointed locations. He never complains, and waits patiently. I will never forget the first race I ran, he was at the finish line beaming with pride. I felt I had done really poorly at the race but he reacted as if I had just won first place. I truly thankful that he is a part of my life and my children's lives.

Then there's Irma, Nik's mom. I have had the pleasure of spending time with her on numerous occasions. One of the best times was when I just popped in by her house when I was on my way home from work. She made us a pot of coffee as always. I had the privilege of telling her that she had done a great job bringing up her son. She raised him and his sister alone. She is a very important part of our lives. Irma is always there to listen and never judge. Though I was concerned when I first met her that she would think that I was beneath her son due to my having been divorced and a single mom of three teenagers. She never has and she loves my children too.

Last night while I was working, I had sent her an email saying that I was really glad that she was coming to our house for Thanksgiving. Her response made me choke back those tears that have remained lodged in a lump in my throat for a while. Her reply was that she was honored to be asked to come to Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for second, third and fourth chances. Though I am giving it one last try, tomorrow my family will be coming to Thanksgiving too. Oddly enough they are excited, but my family can tend to be pitbullish, calm but can be set off without a seconds notice. So we shall see what tomorrow brings. The last time we were all together for Thanksgiving was about nine years ago. I would be fine if tomorrow is completely uneventful, however I doubt that will be the case at all.

I am thankful for new beginnings, new opportunities and new friends. Having been hurt by so many people who I thought were friends I am most guarded where relationships are concerned. The longing to be part of a circle of friends was completely stripped from me so I do not go out of my way to make friends. I was hurt in the worst way over the last year. Unrepairable hurt, I cried more than once over the loss and over the betrayal that I have felt. I am finished with that chapter and am trying to get to know people a little better before I consider them friends. Friends are few, acquaintances plenty. I have met a few people in Lake Carolina that have adopted me into their group. They are genuinely sweet to me. I am trying to let the guard down, it's slow going but I guess I'll just wait and see.

For a life that I love and in an ultimate search for happiness, I realized that I have to look within myself to find it. No one can make me happy, I have to love myself then all other things fall into place. Daily I am working on this too, but most days I am doing well. I truly love my life.

Having a job that I also love and on most days it is like playing dolls when I was a little girl. Being a hair stylist was a dream of mine ever since I was five years old. Twenty-three years after the dream began it became a reality. I am thankful to just have a job right now and I consider myself extremely lucky to enjoy what I do.

I am thankful that I have a determination that won't quit, the health to pursue my dreams and the ability.

In this season of giving thanks, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to spend many years with my granny. She molded me into the person that I am. She was the constant that remained in my life for years until she passed away. During the holidays I miss her even more than I do other times because many Christmases were spent with her due to my parents separating. She always made many things, the one I remember most was her gumdrop tree. She and I would make that every year. She would also have that ribbon candy on her table every year.

As we sit down to dinner tomorrow, I hope that everything goes well. The food will be good I have no doubt. I am running in the morning to benefit Harvest Hope Food Bank. We'll see how it goes, I am keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to stress too much.

Happy Thanksgiving in a time to truly be thankful.

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