12/28/2012

Just one day after the year in review, an amendment needs to be made. There has been a bit of a disappointment that has come my way, via telephone and though I was just about on Cloud 9 with how things are progressing in my life, (insert screeching tires here), I believe I see a pattern starting to develop.

I digress. As many of you who have read this blog over the years, relationships with my family have not always been the greatest and I'm sure that by posting this blog, I will be stepping on some toes. Solution for that is maybe they shouldn't read my blog.

I was in therapy and when I discussed some issues with my therapist she said , it's your abuse, how you remember it, how things happened to you and nobody else. That being said this is my side of the story, take it or leave it and it is not up for discussion. I'm willing to bet that I have at least one person who can vouch for me too, so the disclaimer has been interjected.

As i expressed before in the previous blog, I have been working on my relationship with my daddy. I also made mention of his animal farm, better described as a hoard. The reason we had stopped communication the last time was every time I went to visit he wanted me to bring a truck load of hay to him which he was supposed to reimburse me for but that never happened. Goff Feed and Seed is located up the street from my house so at first it was not a big deal as I would go visit and drop the load except for the problem of not being reimbursed for the purchase of the hay.

I said all that to say this, today I was running with my friend Jeremy. Anybody who knows me knew where I was so when my phone kept ringing I stopped to check it. It was Daddy. He didn't leave a message so after I finished my run, thawed from the cold and started making my way to do some errands I needed to do, I called him back. First time, no answer so I thought maybe he was just seeing if we were coming for a visit. I keep my phone on vibrate most of the time, so when he called back, I didn't hear it go off. So I returned his call again, phone tag at its finest.

When I finally got him on the phone, he told me that he was looking for the number to Goff Feed and Seed, that he had misplaced it, but that he had found it. Any way the next statement was that hay is $7.50 a bale and that he would have to save up to get enough money to buy what he needed for his animals. Red flag went up. He didn't ask me to pick it up for him yet, but I'm sure it's coming. I refuse this time. I will not be used, it doesn't make me happy.

I have come to the sad conclusion that relationships come with a price. What I don't understand is that I guess I expect too much from people. I didn't think we would be going down this same road again and I can promise you there is a way off this road.

Why can't people just be a part of my life, to be just that, a part of my life, not to want monetary things from me. All I want is a small portion of his time, some interest in what's going on in my life. I was a daddy's girl growing up. I am truly at a loss.